2013 - Race 7 - Canadian GP Report

USELESS QUESTION:

WHY ARE BARGAINS ALWAYS FOR THINGS YOU DON’T NEED AT PRICES YOU CAN’T RESIST?

USELESS FACT:

THE SHINBONE IS A DEVICE FOR FINDING FURNITURE IN A DARK ROOM.

 

I commence writing this in a completely relaxed state having just returned with Lady Audrey from a couple of days getting away from the kids and being pampered at Linden Hall to celebrate our 37^th wedding anniversary.  Relaxation and excessive indulgence were the orders of the day.  The part we enjoyed most involved copious quantities of champagne and strawberries in the preamble to the main event.  I know I have been banging on about my bike riding exploits recently, but Lady Audrey is very impressed with my increased level of fitness and stamina and she’s very happy for me to keep banging on riding.  Anyway, who else is celebrating after the Canadian GP?

In the battle of the genders the men continue to dominate the ladies without the need for handcuffs, defeating them this time by 536 points to 515. In the overall race the men now lead the ladies by 3361 points to 3235, thus maintaining their view that a woman’s work is never done because they don’t get up early enough.

So, whose wall is missing a brick?  In 107^th place with 432 points we have Baja Scoch inhabiting his usual territory.  In 108^th place with 431 points we have Stew the Brew showing that he’s no special brew, but it looks like he’d been drinking it when he picked his team.  In 109^th place with 428 points we have Martony Racing Two who is rapidly becoming the black sheep of the family.  In joint 110^th place with 425 points we have Hezza's Heroes 1 and Peter Baker, a good example of the blind leading the blind drunk.  In 112^th place with 410 points we have Flip Me Again appearing for the first time and being as welcome as Joe Kinnear.  In 113^th place with 407 points we have Bullet Proof Bomb bombing out again.

Occupying the inverse podium of shame in 114^th place with 401 points we have Shoes, Shoes, Shoes, & More Shoes! walking slowly to the gallows of despair.  In 115^th place with 380 points we have Stuart Gunn returning to old habits like an alcoholic dying for a drink.  Finally, in last place with 322 points we have Parking at Rascasse back in the doghouse again.

Now, who’s the zebra and who’s the crossing this time?  In 10^th place with 646 points we have Cymru F1 making a comeback, unlike his rugby team in Japan.  In 9^th place with 648 points we have Paul Szomoru continuing to confound medical and psychiatric science.  In 8^th place with 650 points we have Martony Racing One trying to make amends for his wayward twin.  In 7^th place with 653 points we have Turin Triumph turning cartwheels and wine into water.  In 6^th place with 655 we have Paduan Racing speeding into the upper reaches of his imagination.  In 5^th place with 656 points we have The Taxman's Taken All My Dough doing a good impression of George Osborne.  In 4^th place with 657 points we have Evo returning again for more ego polishing.

Now, which triumvirate occupies the podium this time and get to gloat?  On the podium for the second race in a row in 3^rd place with 659 points we have Pedro Leatherland looking as shocked as Nigella Lawson after telling her husband to get a grip.  In 2^nd place with 673 points we have Ayr Town Centre hoping there will not be any early closing.  Finally, taking the champagne and trumpet fanfare, our winner with 689 points is once again Peter Leatherland succeeding his Latin cousin as race winner and starting an internecine war to determine which of them is best.

In the overall standings who are the dunny dwellers this time?  Sinking to 107^th place with 2770 points we have Liar, You've Got Antifreeze watching his chances of glory get colder than a British summer.  Making a bid for freedom and rising to 108^th place with 2768 points we have Charlie Max Gallagher learning to count at a tender age so that he can work out how many days it will be before he’s old enough to leave home.  Rising one place to 109^th place with 2757 points we have Red Bull Addict who needs a caffeine boost if he wants to rise any faster.  Slipping to 110^th place with 2743 points we have Bullet Proof Bomb still looking for a fuse to get started.  Climbing to 111^th place with 2737 points we have Hezza's Heroes 2 who is grateful for small mercies and hopes I will show some.  Dropping faster than my savings to 112^th place with 2731 points we have Stuart Gunn still playing Russian roulette.  Dropping like a stone to 113^th place with 2688 points we have Parking at Rascasse trying to write a new definition of failure.

The inmates on the inverse podium of shame remain unchanged, like a child’s dirty nappy.  In 114^th place with 2611 points we have Peter Baker showing that his team is well past its use by date.  Remaining in the den of iniquity in 115^th place with 2575 points we have Mean Machine 00 showing his skill at premonitions as the 00 in his team name is almost the same as his score.  Finally, still in last place with 2516 points we have Baja Scoch who has found out what is wrong with his brain…on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side there is nothing left.

Now, who are our daydream believers this time?  Crashing down to 10^th place with 3801 points we have A Taste Of Honey finding it hard to cling on to his place, let alone his senses.  Dropping like a stone to 9^th place with 3837 points we have Beast Basher being more bashed than bashing.  Slipping to 8^th place with 3853 points we have Milton De Silva fearing the worst and finding he was right to.  Rising to 7^th place with 3860 points we have Pedro Leatherland finally making it into the upper echelon as he pursues his colonial slave master.  Remaining in 6^th place with 3871 points we have Houghton Bird putting on her slap and strutting her stuff again.  Rising again to 5^th place with 3904 points we have Ayr Town Centre being more successful than the town centres where Mary Portas has been involved.  Remaining in 4^th place with 3966 points we have Erik The Elephant celebrating his escape from the zoo.

Now, who have dreams of glory this time?  Slipping to 3^rd place with 4029 points we have Paul Szomoru hoping that he’s not losing his grip, much like Charles Saatchi.  Sneaking up one place to 2^nd with 4048 points we have Peter Leatherland trying to escape the stalker masquerading as his Latin cousin.  Finally, our leader with 4072 points is still Singing In The Rain, but as his lead is squeezed smaller again his voice is now more castrato than contralto. 

The next race is the British GP on 30^th June.

Regards,

Lawrence.

2013 - Race 7 - Canadian GP Results

The points scored by each driver, chassis, and engine, and the points scored by each team entered were as follows.

Canadian GP		V e t t e l	W e b b e r	A l o n s o	M a s s a	R ä I k k ö n e n	G r o s j e a n	B u t t o n	P e r e z	H a m I l t o n	R o s b e r g	M a l d o n a d o	B o t t a s	H u l k e n b e r g	G u t I e r r e z	d I R e s t a	S u t i l	V e r g n e	R I c c I a r d o	P I c	v a n d e r G a r d e	B I a n c h i	C h I l t o n
Race Results	Race Finish Position	1	4	2	8	9	13	12	11	3	5	16	14	0	20	7	10	6	15	18	0	17	19
	Starting Grid Position	1	5	6	16	10	22	14	12	2	4	13	3	9	15	17	8	7	11	18	21	19	20
	Fastest Race Lap		Y
	No. Completed Laps	70	70	70	69	69	69	69	69	70	70	68	69	45	63	69	69	69	68	67	43	68	67
	Disqualified?
	No. Stop/Go Penalties
Driver Points Scored	Race Finish Poition	75	40	60	15	10				50	30					20	5	25
	Starting Grid Position	30	18	17	7	13	1	9	11	21	19	10	20	14	8	6	15	16	12	5	2	4	3
	Grid - Race Movement	0	2	8	16	2	18	4	2	-2	-2	-6	-22		-10	20	-4	2	-8	0		4	2
	Fastest Lap		10
	No. Completed Laps	70	70	70	69	69	69	69	69	70	70	68	69	45	63	69	69	69	68	67	43	68	67
	Disqualified Penalty
	Retirement Penalty													-50							-50
	Stop/Go Penalties
Total Driver Score		175	140	155	107	94	88	82	82	139	117	72	67	9	61	115	85	112	72	72	-5	76	72
Chassis Points Scored	No. Completed Laps	70	70	70	69	69	69	69	69	70	70	68	69	45	63	69	69	69	68	67	43	68	67
	Retirement Penalty													-25							-25
Total Chassis Score		70	70	70	69	69	69	69	69	70	70	68	69	20	63	69	69	69	68	67	18	68	67
Engine Points Scored	Race Finish Poition	75	40	60	15	10				50	30					20	5	25
	Starting Grid Position	30	18	17	7	13	1	9	11	21	19	10	20	14	8	6	15	16	12	5	2	4	3
	Retirement Penalty													-20							-20
Total Engine Score		105	58	77	22	23	1	9	11	71	49	10	20	-6	8	26	20	41	12	5	-18	4	3

Race Result				Overall Position
Name	Race Total	Race Position		Name	Overall Total	Overall Position
Peter Leatherland	689	1		Singing In The Rain	4072	1
Ayr Town Centre	673	2		Peter Leatherland	4048	2
Pedro Leatherland	659	3		Paul Szomoru	4029	3
Evo	657	4		Erik The Elephant	3966	4
The Taxman's Taken All My Dough	656	5		Ayr Town Centre	3904	5
Paduan Racing	655	6		Houghton Bird	3871	6
Turin Triumph	653	7		Pedro Leatherland	3860	7
Martony Racing One	650	8		Milton De Silva	3853	8
Paul Szomoru	648	9		Beast Basher	3837	9
Cymru F1	646	10		A Taste Of Honey	3801	10
Whickham Racers	641	11		Evo	3792	11
Catch Me If You Can	637	12		Thank You Ke-mo Sah-bee	3781	12
Singing In The Rain	636	13		Kerrie Goodall 1	3763	13
Glendinning	631	14		F1HFH	3760	14
F1HFH	629	15		David Parkin	3739	15
Oh You Went To Eton	625	16		Stop Up Villa	3724	16
Honey, Honey	622	17		Turin Triumph	3720	17
Erik The Elephant	619	18		Series 6 Episode 45	3709	18
Kyalami Racing	612	19		Homer Doh!	3689	19
Stop Up Villa	611	20		The Taxman's Taken All My Dough	3655	20
Donnelly's Danglers	597	21		Charlton's Chumps	3652	21
I'm The Taxman	587	22		Martony Racing One	3633	22
Charlton's Chumps	586	23		Cymru F1	3632	23
Milton De Silva	586	23		Catch Me If You Can	3628	24
Thank You Ke-mo Sah-bee	586	23		Willy Wonka	3621	25
Free To Those Who Can Afford It	585	26		Donnelly's Danglers	3611	26
Houghton Bird	584	27		Paduan Racing	3588	27
Homer Doh!	583	28		Robbies Banger Racing	3588	27
1st GB	578	29		Virgin On The Impossible	3583	29
Down Under Girl	576	30		Verbalkint	3560	30
Willy Wonka	576	30		Cheeky Monkey	3558	31
Jody Scheckter	573	32		Kyalami Racing	3553	32
Robbie The Reindeer	573	32		The Wise One	3534	33
Cannonball	567	34		I'm The Taxman	3516	34
David Parkin	567	34		In Arsene We Rust	3497	35
The Wise One	567	34		N-Gine	3492	36
Robbies Banger Racing	564	37		On the Right Track?	3484	37
Fellside Fools	563	38		Robbie The Reindeer	3476	38
Cheeky Monkey	562	39		Mackaroony	3475	39
Pedro Gallagher	562	39		Glendinning	3467	40
Team Cymru Am Byth	562	39		Do'nut Donnelly	3450	41
Mustang Sally	561	42		Free To Those Who Can Afford It	3449	42
Mickey's Motor	560	43		Team Cymru Am Byth	3448	43
A Taste Of Honey	556	44		Honey, Honey	3447	44
Sunday Night Lights	554	45		TiggyWiggy	3445	45
Honeycombover	551	46		Jody Scheckter	3443	46
Lucy Locket's Rocket	551	46		Cannonball	3441	47
N-Gine	551	46		Sunday Night Lights	3438	48
Larry's Shirt	546	49		Mickey's Motor	3432	49
Kerrie Goodall 1	545	50		1st GB	3430	50
Fury	544	51		Labbett Lambaster	3428	51
In Arsene We Rust	539	52		Brazil or Bust	3412	52
The Beast's Revenge	537	53		Whickham Racers	3411	53
TiggyWiggy	537	53		Robot Chicken	3409	54
Erik Estrada	535	55		Bags, Bags, Bags and More Bags	3373	55
Virgin On The Impossible	535	55		Erik Estrada	3369	56
Mackaroony	534	57		Mark Thompson	3359	57
Charlie Max Gallagher	532	58		The Beast's Revenge	3355	58
Verbalkint	530	59		Fellside Fools	3354	59
Bags, Bags, Bags and More Bags	527	60		Chaser Slayer	3330	60
Never Red	527	60		Fury	3324	61
Robot Chicken	526	62		At Risk	3303	62
Series 6 Episode 45	526	62		Mrs Button Wanna Be	3299	63
Brazil or Bust	525	64		Honeycombover	3291	64
Victoria Concordia Crescit	525	64		Oh You Went To Eton	3282	65
BezF1	524	66		Claire Teuma	3281	66
Team Kaisha	519	67		Flippers Divers	3281	66
Mal Fletcher	518	68		Mal Fletcher	3270	68
Nicks Numpties	517	69		Team GB	3250	69
Do'nut Donnelly	514	70		Bantha Fodder	3243	70
Michael Maughan	513	71		Mustang Sally	3243	70
Team GB	507	72		Lee (God I Love McLaren) Stonehewer	3239	72
Blanche	506	73		Force Sloth Racing	3238	73
Beast Basher	502	74		Honey Monster	3233	74
Kerrie Goodall 2	498	75		Mr Kobyashi	3232	75
Mack the Knife	497	76		Mr Fenster	3224	76
Bad Day At Work	496	77		Down Under Girl	3221	77
Labbett Lambaster	494	78		ROM	3192	78
Mrs Button Wanna Be	494	78		Dan Johnston	3170	79
Flippers Divers	492	80		Stew the Brew	3162	80
Luck of the Irish	491	81		BezF1	3159	81
Honey Monster	490	82		Mack the Knife	3150	82
Mr Fenster	488	83		Lucy Locket's Rocket	3138	83
Chaser Slayer	486	84		Greasy Pistons	3134	84
Dannielle Johnston	485	85		Dannielle Johnston	3123	85
On the Right Track?	484	86		Babadaboopy	3120	86
At Risk	477	87		Bad Day At Work	3112	87
Mr Kobyashi	475	88		Kerrie Goodall 2	3110	88
Flowery Quest	474	89		Dr. S	3085	89
Mark Thompson	474	89		Never Red	3081	90
Force Sloth Racing	469	91		Maltese Falcon	3074	91
Bantha Fodder	463	92		Luck of the Irish	3053	92
ROM	461	93		Team Kaisha	3019	93
Hezza's Heroes 2	459	94		Pedro Gallagher	3017	94
Liar, You've Got Antifreeze	459	94		Michael Maughan	3002	95
Dr. S	455	96		Victoria Concordia Crescit	2987	96
Lee (God I Love McLaren) Stonehewer	455	96		Larry's Shirt	2983	97
Maltese Falcon	452	98		Nicks Numpties	2980	98
Babadaboopy	447	99		Carbon Leither	2973	99
Ben GP MkII	445	100		Flowery Quest	2970	100
Claire Teuma	445	100		Ben GP MkII	2942	101
Greasy Pistons	441	102		Flip me again	2915	102
Mean Machine 00	441	102		Hezza's Heroes 1	2881	103
Red Bull Addict	440	104		Shoes, Shoes, Shoes, & More Shoes!	2881	103
Carbon Leither	437	105		Blanche	2871	105
Dan Johnston	436	106		Martony Racing Two	2813	106
Baja Scoch	432	107		Liar, You've Got Antifreeze	2770	107
Stew the Brew	431	108		Charlie Max Gallagher	2768	108
Martony Racing Two	428	109		Red Bull Addict	2757	109
Hezza's Heroes 1	425	110		Bullet Proof Bomb	2743	110
Peter Baker	425	110		Hezza's Heroes 2	2737	111
Flip me again	410	112		Stuart Gunn	2731	112
Bullet Proof Bomb	407	113		Parking at Rascasse	2688	113
Shoes, Shoes, Shoes, & More Shoes!	401	114		Peter Baker	2611	114
Stuart Gunn	380	115		Mean Machine 00	2575	115
Parking at Rascasse	322	116		Baja Scoch	2516	116
Male Average =	536			Male Average =	3361
Female Average =	515			Female Average =	3235

Regards,
Lawrence.