2013 - Race 13 - Singapore GP Report

USELESS QUESTION:

WHY ARE THEY CALLED STAIRS INSIDE BUT STEPS OUTSIDE?

USELESS FACT:

CARNIVOROUS ANIMALS WILL NOT EAT ANOTHER ANIMAL THAT HAS BEEN HIT BY A LIGHTNING STRIKE.

 

I’m now back home on dry land and in the process of trying to get back from Barclays Bank the money I lost through Navelar for my hotel booking in Barcelona.  If I’m successful it will be a strange feeling getting money back that I’ve lost from a bank rather than a bank losing money that I gave them.  Did anyone have shares in RBS, Lloyds or Northern Rock?  So, who finished the Singapore GP feeling that they’d been robbed?

In the battle of the genders the men continued to humiliate the ladies, winning by 506 points to 477.  In the overall race the men now lead the ladies by 6050 points to 5860, thus maintaining their view that girls without curves are like trousers without pockets; you have nowhere to put your hands.

Now, whose performance in Singapore left them feeling more washed out than if they’d been hit by a tsunami?  In joint 107^th place with 380 points we have Baja Scoch and Blanche with a performance which is a tribute to Laurel and Hardy.  In 109^th place with 369 points we have Robbie The Reindeer saving his strength for the impending Christmas rush.  In 110^th place with 366 points we have Flip Me Again returning again for another flipping public flogging.  Better late than never, in 111^th place with 364 points we have Flowery Quest making her seasonal debut, and wishing it was never.  In 112^th place with 361 points we have Pedro Gallagher pleased that he’s not in last place again.  In 113^th place with 346 points we have Luck of the Irish refusing to leave the basement after debuting here in the last race as he believes that all publicity is good publicity, even if it’s embarrassing.

Occupying the inverse podium of shame in 114^th place with 340 points we have Victoria Concordia Crescit showing he’s a masochist as he makes it onto the podium of shame for the fourth race in a row.  In 115^th place with 285 points we have Charlie Max Gallagher who is hoping that his father will continue to perform like an obese trapeze artist and drop to pass him.  Finally, in last place with 275 points we have Down Under Girl who can’t get any further down than this.

Now, who’s suddenly happier than a Glaswegian with a deep fried Mars bar?  In 10^th place with 591 points we have Team Cymru Am Byth returning after an unintentional sabbatical.  In 9^th place with 592 points we have A Taste Of Honey enjoying another taste of success.  In 8^th place with 597 points we have Stop Up Villa performing above his ability again.  In 7^th place with 604 points we have Free To Those Who Can Afford It, the motto of the NHS, and another member making their seasonal debut but with a happier outcome.  In 6^th place with 605 we have Charlton's Chumps serving up a champ not a chump performance.  In 5^th place with 616 points we have Milton De Silva makin’ da comeback.  In 4^th place again with 645 points we have Cymru F1 continuing to claw his way back to sobriety respectability.

Who are those on the podium that are happier than Bruce Forsyth managing to wake up every morning?  In 3^rd place with 650 points we have Pedro Leatherland with his eighth top ten finish this season, more than any other member so far…who’s a greedy boy then?  In 2^nd place with 662 points we have Peter Leatherland going like the clappers without breaking sweat…pity I can’t say the same thing about not breaking wind.  Finally, taking the champagne and trumpet fanfare, our winner for the second race in a row with 688 points is Singing In The Rain who is crossing his fingers only slightly less than he crosses his legs these days…age can be so cruel.

In the overall standings whose standing is lower than Jimmy Saville’s anywhere?  Falling back into bad habits again in 107^th place with 5025 points we have Victoria Concordia Crescit, our only new entrant into the list of people even Oxfam can’t help.  In joint 108^th place with 5009 points we have Blanche and Martony Racing Two, beauty and the beast.  Static in 110^th place with 4984 points we have Stuart Gunn who knows that static is a dangerous thing to have around guns.  Still in 111^th place with 4893 points we have Larry's Shirt dazzling again, but only in his ineptitude.  Rising from the inverse podium of shame to 112^th place with 4861 points we have Peter Baker leaping higher than his pay rises for the last four years.  Also rising from the inverse podium of shame in 113^th place with 4852 points we have Hezza's Heroes 2 praying that the finish line will come soon to save her from further public humiliation.

Now, which triumvirate are occupying the inverse podium of shame now?  Dropping to 114^th place with 4763 points we have Pedro Gallagher failing to stay out of the graveyard zone and save his families blushes.  Slipping to 115^th place with 4711 points we have Charlie Max Gallagher saving his father’s blushes by sacrificing himself to be below his old man.  Finally, still in last place, with 4481 points we have Baja Scoch who if this was a housing list wouldn’t even qualify for a cave.

Now, whose hopes are higher than the Burj Khalifa in Dubai,?  Still in 10^th place with 6834 points we have Turin Triumph hoping it’s not too late for a big finish, much how he approaches dinner.  Static in 9^th place with 6891 points we have Paul Szomoru arresting his fall without the aid of a parachute or a safety line.  Remaining in 8^th place with 6896 points we have Thank You Ke-mo Sah-bee hoping to charge ahead and hoping it won’t be like the charge of the light brigade.  Slipping one place to 7^th with 6904 points we have Erik The Elephant finding it difficult to hold on to anything without opposable thumbs.  Dropping to 6^th place with 6985 points we have Stop Up Villa who expected a nightmare at the start of the season but is having a dream.  Slipping like her morals to 5^th place with 7008 points we have Houghton Bird who wishes she could improve her position by twerking, at which she is an expert.  Leaping like a Mexican jumping bean to 4^th place with 7010 points we have Pedro Leatherland doing his Speedy Gonzales impression.

Our podium dancers this time are unchanged.  Still in 3^rd place with 7023 points we have Ayr Town Centre resisting the rush to go out of town and get a life.  Still in 2^nd place with 7257 points we have Peter Leatherland who is running as hard as he can but feels that he’s going backwards.  Finally, still our leader with 7343 points is Singing In The Rain who is swinging happily round a lamppost and not swinging from one like Mussolini.

The next race is the Korean GP on 6th October.

Regards,

Lawrence.